Broken
by spblink29
Summary: Set post 2x15. Chuck needs Blair more thanever , but she knows that she'll only be hurt if she takes him back. How will Chuck react when he sees her in the arms of Nate again? bad summary, sorry! please read and review : Chair
1. Chapter 1

This takes place post 2x15, because Chuck and Blair haven't even seen each other since then (!?!) so I hope you enjoy. Thank you for reading, and I love reviews 

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Chuck was sitting alone, as usual, at Victrola, trying to get drunk enough to forget the long day's events. It was bad enough when Blair had walked in to find him half-naked, doing cocaine with strippers in his office, but he knew that when he called her "his wife," he had gone too far. The look of pain in her eyes surprised him a little, and he certainly did not expect to feel guilty about it afterwards. Chuck Bass never felt guilt, but then again, Blair Waldorf made him feel a lot of emotions that he had never felt before. So he sat there, staring at his empty scotch, trying to forget her.

It was at that point that Chuck Bass realized he was wrong. He knew that he had made mistakes with Blair before, but this time it was different. She wasn't going to just forgive and forget like the other times, he knew he had to go see her and ask for forgiveness. So, in his drunken state, visiting Blair seemed like a good idea. He quickly got up and walked to his limo, ordering his driver to take him to Blair's.

As he was waiting in the elevator, he was starting to have some doubts about his visit to Blair, but by then, it was too late. The elevator doors opened, and Blair Waldorf was standing right in front of him.

"Blair..." He managed to say, somewhat slurring his words, and she immediately knew he was drunk.

"What are you doing here Chuck?" She said, slightly annoyed. "You're drunk, and I really don't have time for this right now, I have to meet Serena. Just go home." And with that, she began guiding him back into the elevators.

"Blair wait. I...I just need to talk to you. I am so sorry, Blair, I screwed up. I know I shouldn't have said those things to you, I was just angry at Jack. I'm sorry." He moved closer to her, stumbling slightly, and looked her in the eyes. He needed her forgiveness.

Looking up at him, that sincere apologetic look on his face, Blair had no idea what to do. She wanted so badly to just forgive him, to wrap her arms around, and to kiss him. She could see how tough things had been for him since his father's death, and she wanted to help him. But she also knew him, and she knew that if she just forgave him again, like always, he would only hurt her again, and she couldn't let that happen.

Blair looked down, knowing that while looking at his face, she couldn't reject him, so she avoided eye contact. Quickly and un-emotionally, she said, "I need you to go Chuck. I just don't have time for you right now. Just leave me alone..."

It hurt Chuck to hear her say things like that, because he knew it was the truth. He wasn't good enough for her. With that, he walked out of the room, thinking about how much he had screwed things up tonight. As soon as the door shut, Blair couldn't hold back her tears any longer.

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Over the next couple of days, Blair and Chuck had not spoken once. Chuck didn't know what to do, so he spent most of his time at Victrola drinking. Again. It seemed that was all he did lately, but he didn't care, he just needed to forget about all of it. His father, the company, and especially Blair. A couple weeks ago he couldn't imagine his life without Blair, and now that he had to face that reality, he realized how awful it really was.

Blair was equally confused about the situation, so she went to Nate, hoping that he would be able to help Chuck. Nate was probably the only one who could get through to Chuck right now, so she had to try. "Nate, I need your help. Chuck showed up at my place last night, drunk of course, but he seemed different. I'm really worried about him, and I don't know what to do. Nate, you have to help him, please" she said quickly, panicking.

"Wow, ok, Blair calm down. Chuck's going to be fine, he always is. And as for him being drunk, that's not really unusual for Chuck. Just calm down," he said, sitting her down on the couch. She was visibly upset, which was rare for the always composed Blair Waldorf, and he wanted to make her feel better.

Blair just wanted to forget about Chuck, but she couldn't stop thinking about him. She needed comfort right now, so quickly, without thinking, she leaned up to kiss Nate. For the briefest of moments, Blair was distracted from the drama that was "Chuck and Blair." It wasn't passionate, like when she kissed Chuck, there was no urgency or need to be with him, but it was easy, which was something that her and Chuck never had.

Just when Nate began responding to the kiss, Chuck walked into Nate's house, wanting to talk to his best friend. When he saw Blair and Nate kissing, his entire body went numb. Obviously, he had seen those two together before, although back then it seemed normal, and it now changed his entire world. He stood there, unable to move, thinking that after all of this time, he had finally done it; he had lost Blair Waldorf for good.

Hearing the noise of the door open, Nate and Blair both looked up to see Chuck Bass, a man that they both cared for deeply, with the most pained expression on his face. Blair looked in his eyes and it was clear, Chuck looked broken.

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So there you have it. It's definitely gonna be multiple chapters, but i want it to be clear that this is by no means a blair/nate fic. Personally, i hate those two together, so trust me, they will not end up together!

Please review, cuz i could really use the imput lol. And also, thanks to my sister Sam for the idea 


	2. Chapter 2

K so first of all, thank you so much for those who reviewed or added me to their favourites list, cuz i really didn't think that anyone would read it. Hopefully you'll like this chapter!

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Without saying a single word, because honestly, he was unable to speak at the moment, Chuck Bass turned around and walked out of his friend's house quickly. He didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to hear their apologies, and didn't want to hear about how they rekindled their love for one another; he just wanted to leave. The thought of those two together made him feel sick...or maybe that was just the excessive amount of alcohol he consumed.

Chuck walked outside into the rainy streets of Manhattan without looking back, and not wanting to look back. The regular Chuck bass would never risk walking out into the rain without an umbrella; ruining his shoes and nice jacket, but right now he couldn't even concentrate enough to notice the miserable weather. He also tried not to notice Blair running behind him, screaming his name through the streets. He just needed to get away from there, from her.

Blair continued running after him, desperate for a chance to explain what he walked in on. She knew that she didn't have to explain, because she wasn't dating Chuck, but she still felt like she owed him something. She had always felt that, even though they only dated for about a week, there was a sort of un-said promise between the two, that they belonged to each other. So she continued to run after him, even in the rain, because he was worth it. She had to explain it to him.

With the rain pouring down on both of them, she finally managed to catch up to him, and grabbed him by the arm.

"Chuck! Would you just slow down and listen to me?" she yelled pleadingly.

Chuck pulled his arm away from her quickly, and without a single word to her, he walked past her.

"Chuck please! Just let me explain. What you saw in there, it's not what you think. It just happened, but it didn't mean anything," she said quickly, desperation filling her voice, while she grabbed his arm again and pulled him to face her. "Chuck just talk to me. Please!"

He looked down at her, the cold rain pouring down on both of them from above. He could see that the look in her eyes was sincere, but it didn't excuse what she had just done. He really didn't know if he could just forget about it again, knowing that eventually, she'll go back to Nate once more. She always went back to Nate, and he felt stupid for ever believing that they were over. "What do u want me to say Blair? What am I supposed to say about that?" He said quietly, trying as hard as he could to control his emotions. Chuck Bass never showed his emotions.

She looked up at him, desperately. "I just want you forgive me. I want you to know that I didn't mean for that to happen."

The rain was pouring down hard now, and Chuck was unsure whether the moisture on Blair's face was rain or tears.

"Blair I can't do this again. I just can't. Look, you don't understand, and I really don't want to talk about this. Just go back to Nate."

"No Chuck! We're going to talk about this. I know that you hate talking about your feelings and stuff, but you have to talk to me! I was only there with Nate because I was worried about you," she said.

"For me? First of all Blair, I'm not some charity case, and I don't need your help. And don't you dare blame me for your decisions. You kissed Nate because you wanted to, don't act like you were doing me any favours," he said coldly. And with that, he broke free from her grip once again and walked away, and this time, Blair was scared to follow. She saw the look in his eyes. Chuck was angry. He needed time to cool off. They could talk later, she decided. So instead of chasing after him, she watched him walk away quickly through the rainy streets of the Upper East Side.

Chuck didn't know where he was going, and he didn't care. He just wanted to get away from his thoughts, away from Blair. After walking aimlessly around in the rain for several minutes, he eventually wound up at Victrola. The once place where he could forget all of his problems. He entered the building, sat down on his regular couch, and began ordering drinks. After a couple of hours, too many drinks to count, and most of his drug supply, Chuck was sitting on the couch, half conscious, with three strippers draped over him. His vision was becoming blurry, but for the first time in while, he felt numb, which was a nice change from miserable for Chuck.

Blair had been trying to phone Chuck for over an hour, had texted him nonstop, and had checked to se if he was at home. 'Of course he's not home' she thought, exhausted. She had to keep looking for him, and she had a pretty good idea of where he was, but was scared to see what she'd find when she got there. But he needed her right now, she reminded herself. With that, she headed for Victrola.

Blair walked in to find Chuck, in a daze, underneath of several strippers, but she wasn't surprised. This is what Chuck did when he was hurt; he hurt himself, with alcohol and drugs, and she hated it. She leaned down hear him and touched his face gently. "Chuck, Chuck wake up. I'm taking you home," she said quietly, worried.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," he said, slurring his words heavily, trying to pull away from her hand.

Despite him trying to resist her, she grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. She hated it when he got like this, and she had already helped him stumble out of bars too many times before. But she cared about him, so once again, she put her arms around him and helped him walk towards the door. Chuck was obviously too high and drunk to object, so he just walked with her, somewhat unaware of what was happening. Blair had no idea how she was going to help him, or what was going to happen once he was sober and hated her again, but for the time being, she just wanted to hold him and help him. She would worry about the consequences later.

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Alright so that was chapter two. I'm going to work on chapter three really soon, so please review if you have ideas/suggestions/comments or anything. I didn't really know where to end chapter two, so im sorry if u didn't like it. It'll most likely just be a threeshot. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, sorry i haven't updated in forever! I hope you like this chapter, im going for a darker vibe, so we'll see if i like it. O some drug references so be warned, but what did you expect, it's Chuck Bass! Lol. Please R&R.

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Somehow, after the long day's events, Blair Waldorf found herself in a situation that she had encountered too many times in her life; helping a drunk Chuck Bass stumble into his hotel room. She absolutely hated dealing with Chuck when he was drunk, so she wanted to help him into bed and get out of there as quickly as possible. After a couple of minutes searching endlessly for his room key, Blair was finally able to open the door to his hotel room and gently walk him over to the bed. Since Chuck was far too impaired to do it himself, Blair decided to help him get ready for bed by removing his shoes and jacket. She was unsure whether to go any further by removing his shirt, but when he tried to do it himself and quickly failed, she felt obligated to help him. Slowly, she began unbuttoning his shirt while he looked down at her seductively, clearly too drunk to remember his anger towards her. Blair continued removing his shirt while trying to avoid eye contact, and successfully managed to get him to lie down in his bed. After tucking him in, Blair sat with him for several minutes until he looked peacefully asleep.

Blair wanted to stay with Chuck all night; however she knew that once he awoke the next day he would demand that she leave. Not wanting to be rejected by him again, she decided it was best if she just left now, so she quickly gathered her coat and purse and headed for the door, just as her phone began to ring.

"Hello?" Blair answered her phone quietly, not wanting to wake Chuck.

"Hey Blair, it's Nate. Look, I just wanted to apologize for today and what happened between us. I'm really not trying to cause any problems between you and Chuck. I just miss you sometimes, and what we had was really good," Nate said sincerely.

At that moment, Chuck was suddenly awoken to the sound of Blair on the phone.

"Really Nate, don't worry about it, it's alright. I miss you sometimes too," Blair did miss Nate, in a friendly way, but she knew that he wanted her in a different way. At that moment, Blair finished gathering her belongings and walked out of Chuck's room.

Meanwhile, Chuck had heard Blair's conversation with Nate, and unfortunately, his alcohol was beginning to wear off. Of course she still missed him, he thought, Nate and Blair always went back to one another, and Chuck knew this. Blair had left him for Nate before, why should things be any different now? Chuck's thoughts turned dark, as he remembered all of the other people who had left him. First there was his mother, because he killed her when he was born. Then there was his father, who never wanted him, who never loved him. Then there was Blair, the girl of his dreams, his perfect woman. Too bad that screwed up so many times by hurting her, which eventually caused her to go back to Nate. She didn't want him now. None of them wanted him.

His painful realization made him desperate to numb the pain, or better yet stop the pain altogether. He decided how he was going to make the pain stop, and quickly grabbed his drug supply and locked his door; he didn't want anyone interrupting him. Chuck pulled out some of his favourite painkillers and a syringe, and stared at them for a long time. He wanted to do it, he wanted to end his life, and he wanted to stop the pain that he felt every time he breathed. These couple of months had been too much for him, losing his father as well as Blair, the only two people he had ever loved. He thought of Blair, thought of all the things he would never get to experience with her, and decided that, at the very least, he owed her a phone call. He quickly pulled out his phone and hit 'speed dial #1' and listened as the phone rang.

Blair had just arrived at her home when her cell phone rang, and seeing that it was Chuck she answered it quickly.

"Hello?" said Blair. She heard erratic, panicked breathing on the other end, but no response. "Chuck, is everything okay?"

Chuck immediately thought that this was a bad idea, and that it was selfish to want to talk to her one last time. He just didn't want to die completely alone, he needed her. "Blair," he managed to choke out quietly.

"Chuck what's wrong?" Blair was panicked now.

"I...I just needed to talk to you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called, it's late," he said quickly, about to hang up.

"Wait, Chuck! You sound really scared, did something happen? Talk to me."

"Blair, I'm sorry for everything. I know I've hurt you a lot, but that was never my intention. I really care about you," he wanted to tell her everything before he was gone.

Blair knew that on a normal day, Chuck Bass would never admit to such emotions, and that something was happening. He tone changed, he sounded different, and it scared her. She had never really seen this side of him, but it sounded like he was saying goodbye and she was absolutely terrified. "Chuck, what are you doing? You're not hurt, are you?"

"No, Blair, I'm perfectly fine. Look, I know that I never said those three words to you, those eight letters, but I want you to know that I do, okay? You're the most important person to me, just don't forget that, now I have to go" he said, his breath staggered. He had to get this done with soon, before he changed his mind.

Blair was suddenly painfully aware of what Chuck was about to do, and at that moment her heart sunk. "No Chuck! Wait, baby please just talk to me! Don't you do anything to yourself, do you hear me? Chuck Bass I promise I will never forgive you if you hurt yourself!" She said, desperate and pleading. She quickly began rushing out her door, in an attempt to make it to his hotel room before he had a chance to do anything.

"Blair I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," he said, sounding defeated, and she thought she could hear him crying. "I love you Blair, always have, always will." And with that, he pulled the phone away from his ear slowly.

"No you don't! If you loved me you wouldn't do this to me! Chuck please, please don't do anything to yourself. I'm on my way, I'm going as fast as I can, just wait, please! I need you Chuck, I don't know what i'd do without you," Blair was desperate now, as tears poured down her face. She just wanted to see him again, to hold him. She hated herself for doing this to him, for leaving him tonight. Blair's thought were quickly interrupted the dial tone on the other end of the phone, and she felt her heart rate speed up. She had to get to him in time!

Chuck sat there in his hotel room, crying for the first time in as long as he could remember, and staring at his syringe. He was in so much pain, he just wanted to get it over with, to forget all about Blair and his father. With that, he began injecting as many drugs as he could find into his arm, desperately hoping that they would take his pain away.

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Please let me know what you thought of that, I wasn't a huge fan of the beginning and it turned out kinda angst/emo/dark. Again, sorry i haven't updated in forever, and I'm also sorry for any typos found in this chapter, its really late and i'm tired lol. Btw definitely not gonna be a three shot anymore, cuz i cant just end it like that. Please review!


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